My Faith

To believe in God is such a big step of faith. There are so many unanswered questions - questions that may get answered in time, and many that we may never understand. So why take that step of faith?

For me, six years ago I was living a very selfish life completely for myself and I felt very alone, like I had to be self-sufficient. I was striving in work in the music industry and tried to get approval and love from others by what I achieved in life. I felt very cold and empty inside and I thought that’s just what life was like!

I decided to give a relationship with God a try when I worked for a record label in London. I was working with a band with a Christian lead singer, and we were on an 8 hour long road trip to play a Radio One gig in Newcastle. On the way Tony began chatting to the rapper in the group who was not a Christian, and he began talking about heaven and hell and Jesus. It was a long car journey and I had a lot of time to look out of the window and think about things. I had been raised in a Christian family, but never really taken it seriously. I was beginning to feel very challenged about whether I did really believe, and if so how that affected the way I lived my life and viewed the world.

By being a regular down to earth, straight talking kind of person Tony had already changed my perception of Christians a little bit, and over the hours I can only describe that I felt the “presence” of God. Sounds weird, and it’s kind of hard to explain - it wasn’t a physical thing, just a deep sense of security that there was someone out there bigger than me. When Tony was speaking about God I just knew deep down in my soul that God was real. I felt like I had been avoiding God for the longest time, but now it was time to make a decision for or against Him.

This presented me with a problem - I really didn’t like Christians! Gack! Generally I found the Church to be hypocritical, boring and irrelevant with a bunch of rules that I would never be able to follow. I was very dubious about the whole thing. Fortunately I decided that if I did believe in God I would just have to put up with all those Christian types, and I told God that if he wanted me he would have to take me as I am. I really didn’t see myself being able to change that much.

Since then, I’ve realised that because God is real, he is also realistic. That He gives us grace to fail and He changes us slowly at our own personal pace over time, never pushing but sometimes making us consider things in a new light. I hadn’t seen before that the Church isn’t the thing to follow - that is made up of fallible humans like myself who do a lot of stuff wrong, but that I should follow Christ Himself. He loves unconditionally and encourages us through other people, through thoughts He brings to mind, in seeing the remarkable in nature and through the bible when we fail as well. It was great to finally realise that God does not expect us to be perfect!

I found it a revelation also to realise that being a ‘Christian’ didn’t mean I needed to try and fit into someone else’s expectation of who a Christian is. God loves us all as individuals and does not want His church to be a big homogeneous group of zombies. It actually says this explicitly in the bible in the book of Revelation which is about God’s plan for saving people at the end of time - “With your [Jesus'] blood you purchased people for God from every tribe, language, people, and nation” - Revelation 5:9. Aha, so written proof it’s not just for the white middle classes (although God loves them too)! God inspires me to retain what makes me an individual - he made me that way after all. Imagine if he only got to chat with vicar-types all day. It would be such a dull world!

It’s certainly not a small thing becoming a Christian. It was the biggest decision of my life - far bigger than getting married even, by a long way! Because when you become a Christian you have to mean it from your heart. It took me at least 24 hours before I was completely sure I wanted to do this. During that time it felt like I was standing on a very high diving board looking down, about to step off!

I think a lot of people who think they are Christians feel very challenged when put to the test and give up when God doesn’t fulfil their expectations of who He ’should’ be. I think a lot of people want the world to be perfect, but we do come up against really hard times in life and it’s our choice whether to continue having faith that God does love us or whether we choose to believe lies and give up that glorious hope. So although it’s the best thing you could ever do, getting to know and trust in God is definitely not easy. It really is all or nothing. That is why it’s so scary! But that’s also why it’s called faith.

The hope that is in Christ - that actually we are unconditionally known and loved by God more than any parent or partner could is is such a big hope that many of us who have been dumped on and hurt by this life wonder how it could possibly be true. Even now after six years of knowing Jesus and having that security I still wonder on this big old hope of mine - this hope I have that there is a God who is all powerful who loves me with a great passion, with great forgiveness and that he doesn’t hold any of my past against me. That He has dreams for me and that with Him I can be a kinder, more compassionate person. That one day the world will be changed to be how it was always meant to be. No more pain, no more hunger, no more suffering (can’t wait!).

This strange world is one of contradictions. Times of great love, amazing beauty in creation - these make me turn my face towards God in joy. But then there is so much sickness and sadness. Why?

I don’t have the answer. But a favourite quote of mine (which I discovered via one of my friends Facebook profiles!) is by CS Lewis, who wrote,

“If we discover a desire within us that nothing in this world can satisfy we should begin to wonder if perhaps we were created for another world.”

Thank you to Flo for having that on her profile! I don’t know about you, but my desire is for a world filled with love. I’ve never known love as pure and true as when I accepted Christ into my life. His love has brought such freedom. My hope is set on Christ dying for the sins of the world - that we have to be here in this world for a short time to share the good news and to accept Christ’s work for us and then after our work here is done we can die to be in the new place that God has been preparing for us, and we’ll be there and healed and full of joy for eternity! I believe that is the place that we are all hoping and waiting for and it makes me so sad to see people giving up on God while they struggle through this life. If they only knew the beauty that is their inheritance, if only they would choose it!

It’s such a big hope but I do believe it! And it fills my heart with such amazing joy!

I wish that you will allow your heart that hope, the faith to reach out towards God too! He is there to catch you if you’ll take that leap of faith, He is wonderful - there is nothing like knowing His love deep and secure in your heart!

If you’re interested in finding out more about God but don’t know where to start I’d suggest a couple of different things.

Good books to read: The Case for Christ by Lee Strobel

About the book from Amazon’s website:

Is there credible evidence that Jesus is the Son of God?

Not too many years ago, I was an atheist. My agnostic wife’s conversion to Christianity prompted me to use my legal training (M.S.L., Yale Law School) and journalism experience (I was the legal editor of “The Chicago Tribune”) to systematically investigate whether there’s any credible evidence that Jesus is the unique Son of God. “The Case for Christ” retraces the two-year quest that rocked my world. But instead of me merely describing the evidence that convinced me Christianity is true, I interviewed thirteen leading scholars and experts, posing to them the tough questions I had when I was a skeptic. These authorities, with doctorates from Cambridge, Princeton, Brandeis, and other prestigious institutions, were forced to defend their positions with compelling evidence and persuasive logic.

and The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren

The Purpose-Driven Life will help you understand why you are alive and God’s amazing plan for you—both here and now, and for eternity. Rick Warren will guide you through a personal 40-day spiritual journey that will transform your answer to life’s most important question: What on earth am I here for? Knowing God’s purpose for creating you will reduce your stress, focus your energy, simplify your decisions, give meaning to your life, and, most importantly, prepare you for eternity.

I have enjoyed both of these books, The Case for Christ has given me greater depth to my faith and based it in facts rather than vague hopes. The Purpose Driven Life is an inspiring book, easy to read and I found it really hard to put down. A must read for any new Christian or someone questioning the purpose of life.

Alpha Courses

Other great things you can look into are doing an “Alpha Course” - they are courses run by churches of various denominations aimed at non-Christians who have a lot of questions. There’s not pressure to become a Christian, it’s a discussion based group usually with a free meal beforehand. I’ve done the course a few times myself at various churches and it’s great! Just make sure you don’t miss the evening/day on the Holy Spirit - that’s always such an amazing day and a time when you actually find out how God lives and speaks to people today (as strange as that may sound!).

If you’re looking for a church to join, I’d suggest Vineyard - they have churches across the UK and are specifically for people who don’t “do” church. It’s where I go and they are so warm and friendly. Even if you go on your own you will have a great time! And they have doughnuts - yeah! Google Vineyard and your nearest town and I’m sure you will come up with something. Other great churches I would recommend are Hillsong in London and Network in Exeter.